


If We're Keeping Score

by cazzy



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Modern AU, my girlfriend... who lives in canada
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:19:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazzy/pseuds/cazzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren totally has a girlfriend. Seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If We're Keeping Score

**Author's Note:**

> This was honestly just a quick crack drabble for the TV Trope, "My Girlfriend from Canada" that was too big to post in a chat group.
> 
> I doubt it's high enough quality for Ao3, but here we are!

"She's gorgeous," he said, and the lie rolled easily enough off of his tongue.

Phasma didn't look impressed, though Kylo supposed he couldn't really blame her. The figment of his imagination that he was "dating" sounded too good to be true even to his own mind, and maybe that was the point.

"Gorgeous, intelligent, and she's into you?" the tall blonde asked, and the disbelief in her voice was plain as day.

"Try not to sound so skeptical," he muttered in return, and it only stung a little. Phasma and Hux had been together for what felt like forever, and their constant barbs about his relationship status were starting to grate on his nerves.

A single lie about an out-of-state girlfriend had seemed a much better idea before his closest friends had grilled him constantly about her. And okay, maybe she didn't exist, but he had a good idea of what would be his type, and basing his fictional girl off of a short brunette with an interest in something intellectually challenging, like engineering, worked best.

"When will we get to meet this charming Bastila, then?"

"Hopefully never," Kylo said, and he didn't even need to feign his honesty at that.

 

-

 

 

The smugness on Hux's face did not bode well for Kylo Ren.

"You'll never guess where Snoke wants us to go for a networking conference," he said, and Kylo just barely managed to disguise his grimace as a yawn. Hux's favorite hobby was tormenting him.

“Where?”

“Jakku. It's held at that hotel right by Niima, a three-day retreat.”

This lie really wasn't worth perpetuating anymore, and he was about to give up the truth when Hux said in what was likely meant to be a teasing tone but sounded more like a cat retching up a hairball, "Aren't you excited to see your _girlfriend_?"

"Ecstatic,” he said instead, and withdrew his phone quickly to shoot a text that read, “Guess what? I'll be in Jakku next week!” to himself.

 

-

 

The flight was dreadful, and Kylo couldn't get his stomach to settle no matter how many cans of ginger ale he consumed. If his friends uncovered his lie, it would be more than embarrassing. Being single was one thing, but _lying_ about a girlfriend was just downright awful, and he'd never recover from it.

They arrived in the early afternoon, and he jumped at the opportunity to escape the presence of Phasma and Hux.

“I've got to go – dinner date with Bastila,” he said haltingly, and at least Phasma seemed to accept his words as truth.

Kylo spent the rest of the afternoon locked in his hotel room.

 

-

 

The conference was miserable, as was to be expected. _Networking_ was just as horrible of a buzzword as _team-building_ , and although he now had stronger connections to Darth Industries, it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

The three of the First Order employees were well on their way to a celebratory drink at a bar downtown when it happened.

His head turned to snark at Hux, Kylo completely missed the fact that his large frame had collided with another, slighter, one. The girl fell to the ground, books clattering around her feet as she went down.

Kylo was about to snap at her about her clumsiness before their eyes locked. She was short and startlingly attractive with a fierce look set upon her features (as though it was _his_ fault she had run into him), and her hair was in three messy buns atop her head.

Around her lay several astrophysics textbooks. A student, then.

This was probably an awful idea, but fuck it.

“I'll give you a hundred bucks if you play along with this,” he growled out quietly, as he offered her a hand up. She grasped it, and the money was apparently enticing enough because she gave him a quick nod and looked much more interested than she had sprawled out on the concrete pavement.

“I'm sorr – _Bastila?_ ” he gasped, hoping his voice sounded appropriately surprised. Hux made a soft noise behind him, and if they played this right, it could be _perfect._

“Oh, no, it's alright... Kylo!” she said as she scrambled to pick up her books, and thank _fuck_ he still had a messily-scrawled _Hi, my name is Kylo_ sticker slapped onto his suit jacket.

“I knew you lived around here, but didn't think it was so close. This is perfect – Hux, Phasma, this is my girlfriend, Bastila. Crazy coincidence, right?”

To the girl's credit, her face only flashed in shock for the briefest of moments before smoothing into a pleased grin.

Once her books were properly collected, she offered a slim hand and introduced herself to the two of them.

Maybe if the astrophysics thing didn't work out, she could invest in an acting career.

“Care to join us for a drink?” Phasma asked the girl, and she shook her head frantically. Thank _god._

“Sorry, I'd love to but I have an exam coming up that requires some cramming. Mind if I borrow Kylo for a moment before you head off?”

“Of course not,” Phasma said, because apparently Hux had lost his vocal cords sometime in the last five minutes.

Once they were a safe distance away, the girl held her hand out. “Alright, _Kylo,_ pay up.”

Fortunately, his chest was broad enough to hide from his friends the fact that he was withdrawing his wallet and passing her a crisp bill. He truly couldn't stoop lower than this, could he?

“Thanks,” he said, maybe a bit too honestly, because hopefully this little tryst would satisfy his friends and he could falsify some kind of dramatic break-up once they were back home.

“No problem, _baby,_ ” she said, and her eyes sparkled with mirth. Before he could register it, she leaned up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss square on his mouth as her arms caught his hips. He was frozen on the sidewalk as she waved casually and called out, “Have a good night!”

It wasn't until much later, in the safety of his small hotel room with maybe a little too much alcohol in his system, that he realized she had slipped him a business card in the midst of their theatrical kiss. _Rey_ of Plutt's Mechanics, hm?


End file.
